The ads usually include a photo of a
hot chick, implying that the hot babe
staring into the camera is looking for
you. But when you click the ad, a
note appears saying no program can
track who has been looking for you on
Facebook or MySpace, but why don't
you pay to search for a friend? Uh, not
that we thought a hot chick was truly
looking for us . . . we only clicked the
link for research purposes.

The truth is, no hot chick is searching
for you. Who's looking for you?
person is.
This
The hilarious officers of Reno 911 try to help a man put his dying dog out of its misery.
You need Java to see this applet.
This is the extremely sexy Niña Mascuñana. Click here to see her and many more lovely women.
Babes, babes
Seen her?
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Google
 
Saytown Babes
11888 Starcrest
near Blossom Athletic Center

Prevent Child Abuse San Antonio - click here to see how you can help
This week's video
What does a bear in the woods do? Pole dances!
Pitbull decks fan
Happy Birthday
Megan Swisher
June 2
Thursday, June 11
What to do
Thursday Night Social, Duo
What to watch
Lakers vs. Orlando Magic
8 p.m., ABC
What happened
Cowboys in legal trouble
Truly from Saytown?
There are only a few million of us lucky
enough to truly call San Antonio home. Are
you truly one of us? Not sure?

Familiar with the Donkey Lady? Ever been to
Hey She Be?

Do you believe Robert Horry didn't really foul
Steve Nash in the 2007 NBA Playoffs? Can
you order at Bill Miller's without having to look
at the menu?

Take a look at what makes the city unique on
our new Saytown page. If you have any
suggestions on items to add to our list, be
sure to e-mail them into us.
Only in San Antonio
Planning
an event?
Doing some bodypainting?
Have a band that is playing at
an area club? Planning a
softball tournament?
Let us help get the word out. E-  
mail us the pertinent information,
including the type of event, date,
time, place, admission and any
other background and we'll
publicize it on our site's
pages. Help us help you
attract more visitors.
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Babes
Thank you for blessing us with women
Without women, men would
cease to exist - and we're not
talking about reproduction.

Let's face it men, women are
smarter, sweeter and more
compassionate - honestly,
how many times have you
heard someone say 'What's
he doing with her?' as
opposed to what's she
doing with him? More
importantly, women are just
better to look at - well, with
the exception of the one and
greatest gift, we offer some
galleries of some beautiful
women such as Kasie Rae of
Helena, Montana (far left). You
may have seen some, but
others you may not have yet.

Take a look at our 1, 2, 3
pages of Babes and please
click on the links to their
official sites.
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only S.A. Pimp (pictured
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below): "Sit back and
say my hair isn't
luxurious when you
know it is!"
So in honor of God's
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Going for a new job? Wild weekend? Drug testing for the job? Don't worry? Get Tested!

Buy 100 Postcards for only $29.95 and receive 100 PostCards FREE "HOLIDAYPC" limit 1, not valid with other offers

KITTEN THINKS OF NOTHING BUT MURDER ALL DAY - Funny Headline T-shirts from The Onion, America's Finest News Source.

Hotels.com by city, dates and number of guests

Clearance Costumes at BuyCostumes.com. Limited quantities so shop today.

Paintball Kits starting at $39.99

Shop PuzzlesUSA.com

Tired of Shaving, Waxing, or Electrolysis? ULTRA HAIR AWAY puts a permanent end to unwanted body hair.

RomanticGifts.com - Free shipping - All US Orders.

Click Here! Harry Potter Trading Card Game!

Get Equifax Credit Watch Gold 3-in-1 Now!
Madison boys hoops team rated fifth in nation
The Madison boys basketball team is
ranked fifth in the nation by prestigious
Rivals.com.

The Mavericks (17-0) are the top-rated
team in Texas. There are nine teams
from Texas in the RivalsHigh 100.
Madison has beaten San Antonio's Wagner
and Houston as well as Fort Worth's North
Crowley, Pflugerville and Duncanville.

The Mavs beat Duncanville, which is No. 8
in the nation, 83-81 during the finals of the
McDonald's Texas Invitational on Nov. 22.
Findlay Prep (8-0) of Henderson, Nev. is
the nation's top-ranked team followed by
traditional power Mater Dei (5-0) of Santa
Ana, Calif. Third is Oak Hill Academy
(14- 0) of Mouth of Wilson, Va. and
fourth is St. Patrick of Elizabeth, N.J.,
which has not opened its season yet.
High School Basketball
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Happy Birthday to Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, four-time NBA champion. Click here for more local birthdays.
This is the beautiful Ericka Kristen. Click here to see pictures of her and other of San Antonio's finest.
Ericka Kristen
Yes! Star Trek looks great
Saytownsports has to admit, we are total geeks for
the original Star Trek. So when we heard a modern
version of the original series was being filmed, we
weren't all that enthused.

Well, we've beamed aboard the bandwagon. The
latest trailer is out and it kicks ass.

We didn't think anybody could bring the same old-
school machismo that William Shatner brought to
Captain James T. Kirk, but Chris Pine and director
J.J. Abrams have revived Kirk's bad-assedness.
The whole trailer looks great, with all the action
that made the original so much better than the
lame, kumbaya sentiment of the next generations.
Click here to watch a kick-ass trailer for the new Star Trek movie. It will have you psyched for the movie, which comes out May 8.
Movies
Heath Ledger justifiably received an Oscar
nomination for best supporting actor for his
incredible work as the Joker in "The Dark
Knight."

Sadly, the Academy Awards nomination
was announced Thursday, on the one-year
anniversary of Ledger's death from an
accidental overdose of prescription drugs.

Ledger was nominated for best supporting
actor along with Robert Downey Jr. for
"Tropic Thunder," Josh Brolin for "Milk,"
Michael Shannon for "Revolutionary Road,"
and Philip Seymour Hoffman for "Doubt."  
The winner will be announced during the
81st Academy Awards on Sunday, Feb. 22.

Some speculated that Ledger would not get
an Oscar nomination with so many great
performances this year, but the Motion
Picture Academy smartly recognized his
stellar portrayal. Ledger's "Joker" is one of
the greatest performances ever, destined to
go down with Marlon Brando's work in "The
Godfather" and "On The Waterfront" and
Robert DeNiro's role as "Raging Bull" as
cinema's finest achievements.
Ledger rightly receives Oscar nomination
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More cowbell? Local music awaits
Have you got a fever? Is the only
prescription more cowbell?

There are dozens of bands in San
Antonio who can cure that fever or
at least give you a prescription-like
alternative that can create some
hellaciously good side effects.
Saytown has outstanding bands
and there are great concerts daily.

Where are they playing? Find out
on our Music Schedule page, which
has local concert listings along with
links to the music pages of area
bands. Support San Antonio music.
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Music
Movies
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If you live in San Antonio, consider
yourself lucky - many Americans
envy us.

Saytown ranks 10th in a national
survey that asked Americans where
they would most like to live. The
Pew Research Center said 29
percent of Americans would like to
live in San Antonio if they could. No
other Texas city was in the top 10.

I can see how Saytown is the most
desirous place to live in the state,
but we think San Antonio should've
been higher on the overall ranking.

Denver ranked No. 1 at 43 percent
followed by San Diego (40%),
Seattle (38%) and Orlando (34%).

San Antonio is also growing more
attractive to younger Americans,
who are selecting our city in
growing numbers to New York City
and Los Angeles. San Antonio is
also a popular place Republicans
would like to live in.
We're No. 1(0)! We're No. 1(0)!
News
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Softball
Belated congratulations to Texas Smash, the
Batesville Bandits and TNS for winning the
city's first big tournament of the adult softball
season - the San Antonio Shootoout.

Austin's Smash went 5-1 to capture a loaded
Men's C/D division Feb. 14. Smash held off
Team Steel 21-20 in an exciting second final
to win the title. Steel handed Smash its only
loss, winning 16-11 in the first final to force a
second championship game.

Steel, which has players from Corpus Christi
and Greater San Antonio, made an impressive
run to get to the final. They won seven straight
after losing their first-round game 19-10 to All
Over Your Face.

The Men's E division also went to a second
final Feb. 14, as the Bandits and S.A. Freaks
battled in three exciting games.

The Bandits held on for a 17-16 win over the
Freaks in the fourth round. The Freaks battled
back, blowing past No Limit 16-1 to set up a
rematch with the Bandits.
The Freaks held on for a great 12-11 victory
over the Bandits in the first final to force a
deciding game. The Bandits avenged the loss,
rolling to a 17-10 win in the second game to
win the championship.

The co-ed division also went to a second final,
but there was a sweep in the championship
games unlike the other two brackets.

TNS avenged an earlier loss, rallying to beat
the Strokers twice to claim the championship.

The Strokers rolled to a 15-2 victory over TNS
in the third round to advance to the sit-out
game against Unleashed. The Strokers rolled
in that game, too, beating Unleashed 14-2.

TNS got on a roll, too, winning their next three
games by a combined 30 runs after the loss
to set up a rematch with the Strokers.

TNS won an exciting first final, defeating the
Strokers 23-22 to set up a deciding game.
TNS completed the sweep, rolling to a 19-10
victory to win the championship.
TNS, Texas Smash, Batesville Bandits win Shootout
Click here to view the San Antonio Shootout flyer.
The lovely and talented Megan Swisher is celebrating her birthday Tuesday. The Laredo native is attending UTSA.
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San Antonio Shootout, Feb. 14-15
Men's C: 1, Texas Smash 5-1; 2, Steel
Softball 7-2; 3, Urban Assault 3-2; 4,
Steel Choppin' 4-2; t5, PH Bulldogs 2-2;
5, Injured Reserve 2-2
Men's E: 1, Batesville Bandits 5-1; 2, SA
Freaks 5-2; 3, No Limit 5-2; 4, Los
Clavos 3-2; t5, Hellrazers 3-2; 5, Rehab
2-2.
Co-ed: 1, TNS 7-1; 2, Strokers 4-2; 3,
Unleashed 3-2; 4, Otra Vez 4-2; t5,
Heartbreakers 3-2; 5, Voodoo Softball
2-2.
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The San Antonio Sports and Social Club
is registering teams and individuals for
its upcoming spring kickball and softball
seasons.

Registration deadline is Friday, March
20. Individuals who register are placed
on a co-ed team.
Cost for each sport is $48 for individuals or
$498 for a team of 12 - plus $40 for every
player above 12 players.

The co-ed leagues consist of a six-week
regular season followed by playoffs. Games
are held at Rusty Lyons off 281 and Basse
Road.
The entry fee covers all equipment,
umpire fees, a SASSC uniform and food
and drink specials at sponsor bars.

For more information, visit the SASSC's
website at www.sanantoniossc.com. To
register for kickball, visit here and to
register for softball click here.
S.A. Sports & Social Club registering individuals for co-ed season
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Softball & Kickball
Saytown's sexiest DJ at Duo Rock
Brittany Guzman will be spinning some
great music starting at 10 p.m. Mondays
upstairs at the Duo Rock Lounge.

Known as DJ CatWalk, the name is very
fitting because Guzman is definitely San
Antonio's sexiest DJ - we consider 99.5
KISS' Steve Hahn a radio host so he is
excluded from our poll. DJ Catwalk has
been a DJ for six months.

"I play a lot of hip-hop - old and new,"
Saytownsports.com
 Golf
Softball
 News
 Time Warner
Guzman said, "electro (and) mash-ups. I
kind of play a lot of everything. And it is
definitely the funnest job I've ever had."

DJs weekly at Duo Rock Lounge on Med
Center and Stone Oak off 1604 and 281.
She is on the turn tables until the club
closes at 2 a.m.

Those who attend can enjoy $3 imports,
$2 domestics as well as $3.50 for Jagr
and Vegas Bombs.
Music
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Steven Wright
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Humor
Radio contest offers $1,000 to hot MILF
Are you a sexy lady with at least one child? If
so, you can earn more then the lustful stares
of perverted men.

Mix 96.1 is holding a Hottest Mom Contest -
apparently MILF is not politically correct for
family radio - with the winner receiving $500 in
American Express gift certificates and a $500
certificate to Goldmasters Jewelery.

The contest is open to "hot" moms that are at
least 18 years old. To enter, register at Mix
96.1's website. All contestants must submit a
photo that is "tasteful and work appropriate" -
sorry fellas, you won't see any thong, thong,
thong, thong, thongs or explicit nudity among
the contest entries.

Registration deadline is 11:59 p.m, Monday,
May 25. Online voting begins on the station's
website at midnight, Thursday, May 28 and
ends 11:59 p.m., Saturday, June 7.

All entries will be posted on the station's
website. Voting is limited to one vote per
verified email address. Mix 96.1 reserves the
right to disqualify any contestant that receives
multiple and/or irregular votes from the same
user or users, including but not limited to,
votes generated by automated means.
milf (milf) - n. A slang acronym for a
sexually attractive mother: M(om) I('d)
L(ike to) F(***). See Jessica Alba.  
Babes
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Golf
Proceeds from the tournament will be
used to send care packages, heaters,
fans, portable showers, phone cards and
other items of need to service members
overseas.

Entry is $100 per player, which includes
a barbecue buffet after the tournament.

Trophies will be awarded to the top three
teams. Prizes will also be awarded for
What could be better than playing golf in
beautiful weather on a luxurious course
with some great people? Doing all that
while helping U.S. troops overseas.

Operation Lone Star - Texans Supporting
Our Troops is hosting a golf tournament
July 25 at the WindRose Golf Club in
Spring to benefit our troops serving in
Iraq and Afghanistan. The scramble will
have an 8 a.m. shotgun start.
closest to the pin and longest drive on
selected holes. A Caribbean cruise and
a trip to Las Vegas will be awarded for a
hole-in-one on designated holes.

To register, e-mail the organization at
OperationLoneStar@hotmail.com or
send a letter to P.O. Box 12122, Spring,
Texas, 77391-2122. If you cannot attend
the tournament but would like to donate,
please contact Operation Lone Star.
Tournament benefits troops in Iraq, Afghanistan
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Darts
At Time Warner Park
May 23-24
Results
Men's C: Saturday
1, FNS/DPS;
2, S.A. Hitmen;
3, Lackland Warhawks
Men's D: Sat. & Sun.
1, Team Crew;
2, Centex Stunners;
3, ManiAX
Men's E: Sat. & Sun.
1, ATX Jaguars
2, Slaughterhouse;
3, Freaks   
Women's: Saturday
1, Unknowns;
2, Connection;
3, Madness
Co-ed: Sunday
1, Smash It EC;
2, Hacks;
3, Fierce
Memorial Day Shootout ends in rain, acrimony
What promised to be a thrilling
finish at Time Warner Cable Park
instead ended in a whimper as a
heavy thunderstorm Sunday led
to a cancellation of the Memorial
Day Shootout.

More then 40 games in men's D
and E and co-ed were canceled
after the fields were flooded by a
30-minute downpour. Unable to
continue play, Lone Star Softball
chose to flip a coin to decide the
outcome of all remaining games.

Use of a coin flip angered many.
Teams were demanding a refund
on all or some of their $200 entry
fee but Lone Star officials were
unwilling to do so since they had
already paid employees as well
as Time Warner Park.

Team Crew won the men's D title
over the Centex Stunners on a
coin flip. The Crew won their first
three games by an average of
two runs before winning their
next two by coin flips.

The Crew and the Stunners were
to meet in the semifinals of the
31-team bracket but the downpour
canceled the game.

The ATX Jaguars won the men's E
title, defeating Corpus Christi's
Slaughterhouse in a second coin
flip. The two were set to meet in the
semifinals of the 41-team bracket
but rain also canceled that game.

The Jaguars won their first three
games by an average of seven runs
before winning their next two by
coin flip. Slaughterhouse won the
initial coin flip in the final against
the Jaguars but lost the second in
the double-elimination tournament.

Because the co-ed bracket began
Sunday, those teams were offered
a choice between a $100 credit to
the next Lone Star tournament or a
chance to win in the coin flip.

Smash It EC of Austin won the co-
ed title, double dipping the Hacks
in the coin-flip finale - who loses a
coin flip twice? Fierce finished third
in the 12-team bracket.

The furor over the coin flips took
away from what had been a great
tournament. The women's and
men's C divisions were great.

FNS/DPS won the Men's C title,
rallying to beat the S.A. Hitmen
27-26 in Saturday's final to stay
unbeaten.

Trailing 26-21 in their final at-bat
as home team, FNS won on a
one-out, two-run, walk-off homer
from Chris "Guero" Guymon. Will
O'Neal pulled FNS within 26-25
when the Hitmen misplayed a
sharp single to left by O'Neal into
a bases-loaded, in-the-park
homer.

The women's division ended with
the Unknowns rallying to defeat
Connection twice in the final of
the seven-team bracket.

Connection beat the Unknowns
in the teams' initial meeting,
winning 7-5 in the sit-out game.
The Unknowns, who had to spot
Connection three runs because
they are a higher classification,  
responded with 25-9 and 23-3
victories in the final of the
double-elimination tournament.
Pitbull gets fed up with a fan tossing money onstage and punches the f*ck out of him and doesn't miss a beat!
Swine Flu update: Patient Zero found
The Swine Flu has wreaked havoc
on school schedules and created a
mass hysteria unseen since fans
first discovered William Hung died.

Take comfort America, there is a
major discovery that should bring
about a cure. Doctors found the
original source of the outbreak, aka
Patient Zero - Kermit the Frog.

The beloved entertainer contracted
the flu while having unprotected sex
with fellow muppet Miss Piggy.
Unfortunately, Kermie is dead. He
was found face up in the bowels of
New York City's subway system
after apparently stumbling onto the
tracks, disoriented from a severe
case of the Swine Flu.

Still afraid of catching Swine Flu? If
you're seated next to someone you
think has it and don't have a face
mask, please do the following: take
off your pants, remove your undies,
place the underwear on your face.
The end result should look like
this.
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Golf
Chris Brown just doesn't get it
Chris Brown pledged he would
"emerge as a better person" after
physically assaulting his then
girlfriend, Rihanna on Feb. 8. His
idea of evolving? Blame others.

Brown broke his silence about
the case on a webcam video that
is posted on YouTube.

"Everybody that's haters, they
just been haters," Brown says.
"All my real fans, I love you all. I
ain't a monster."
Haters? Fans and media adored
Brown, comparing him to Usher.
But that affection soured once he
punched Rihanna and threatened
to kill her after she called a friend
for help.

In another video, Brown takes
issue with blogs saying Rihanna
had a black eye, claiming there
was none. Wow, you punched
her but didn't give her a black
eye? That's wonderful Chris, we
were wrong about you.
Softball
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Grover has agreed to play Dwight Howard in a
new series of Nike commercials, bailing the
world's leading sports apparel company out of
a very embarrassing situation.

Nike built an entire ad campaign around a
showdown between LeBron and Kobe for the
NBA title, using muppets to portray the King
and the Black Mamba. Unfortunately for Nike
and NBA fans, Howard led the Orlando Magic
to an upset over LeBron's Cleveland Cavaliers
in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Unprepared for Orlando's victory, Nike had to
seek a quick replacement because they didn't
have time to build another muppet. Grover
was cast because he and Howard both love to
don capes and pretend they are super heroes.

On a break from filming on Sesame Street,
Grover apparently agreed to a lucrative deal.  

"Today's show is brought to you by the letter
B," Grover said. "As in, 'Got ya beyatch.' You
best believe I had Nike by the balls so now
I'm holding rubber band banks in my
pockets . . . uh, fur."

When told that Grover looks nothing  
look nothing alike, a Nike official said,
"C'mon, you're going to call us out on
that, really? The other muppets don't
look like LeBron or Kobe, either."

The commercials should begin airing
during the NBA Finals, which open on
Thursday in Los Angeles.
Grover taking over for LeBron in Nike ad campaign
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Music
Is somebody looking for you?

Could it be the hot chick in tight jeans
who you followed in the halls of high
school until her boyfriend caught you
checking her out and proceeded to
beat your arse? Or is some random
exotic babe who has no idea who you
are searching MySpace or Facebook
to see if you're available for a steamy
romance?

She could be! Well, according to ads
on the popular social networking sites
she could be.
Who is looking for you?
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Social
Soldier, Anthony rally to claim Ol' Richters' tourney
Solider and Anthony won the final two
games, rallying to capture the weekly
dart tournament at Ol' Richters.

Soldier, one of the top dart players in
Saytown, and Anthony beat Ralph
and Roland A. to win the 12-team
tournament Tuesday, June 2.

The first match in the two-man, blind-
draw event was a tightly-contested
game of 501. The teams combined to
hit bullseye on six of their first eight
darts. Roland closed the game out by
hitting a triple 18.

Soldier and Anthony rallied, claiming
the next two games to stay unbeaten
and win the title.

Soldier led his team to victory in the
second game, contested as cricket.
Soldier closed out the game, hitting
double 15 and then double 16 on his
first two darts of the round to win.

Like the opening game, the final was
a competitive contest of 501.

After quickly scoring 400-plus points,
the teams struggled to close out the
game. Ralph and Roland needed a
20 to win but instead hit a 5 and then
failed to get any points on their next
two darts. That allowed Anthony to
win the match by hitting a 14 on his
first dart of the round.

Soldier and Anthony won $60 each
for the victory over Ralph and Roland.
Johnny Z and George won third and
Lalo and Joseph placed fourth.
The tournament is held Tuesdays at
Ol' Richters. Entry is $5 per person
with the Southeast San Antonio bar
putting $150 into the pot if there are
at least 20 entrants. The competition
starts at 10:30 p.m.

The event's normal format is cricket
unless time constraints require the
tournament director to include 501.
Ol' Richters Bar
What: Weekly
darts tournament
Tuesdays at Southeast San Antonio bar.
Where: 4642 Rigsby Avenue, San Antonio
Entry: $5 per player, Ol' Richters adds $150 to
pot if more then 20 entrants and matches the pot if
less then 20.
Registration: 9:30 p.m.-10:15 p.m., competition
starts 10:30 p.m.
Man steals $20,000 MJ jersey from Parker, sells for $120
Apparently there is a rent-a-cop that sucks
even more then Paul Blart.

Christopher James Carolan stole a jersey
autographed by the great Michael Jordan
from Parker's house. The 22-year-old San
Antonio resident was working for a security
company contracted to work at Parker's
home when he apparently stole the jersey.

The jersey is valued at $20,000, so what
did the braniac do? He provided police with
a trail by listing Jordan's jersey for sale on
Craigslist. This case would've been solved
before the first commercial if this was an
episode of Law & Order.

So how much was Carolan asking for the
rare Jordan jersey? $500. I hope he puts a
new Escalade on Craigslist next since he'll
probably ask $200 for it. Even worse, he
accepted only $120 for the Jordan jersey.
The jersey was sold May 21, the same day
Parker's manager reported it missing from
the home the Spurs' point guard owns with
his beautiful wife, Eva Longoria. Parker and
Longoria were in Europe on vacation when
the robbery occurred.

"Even if it's a basketball jersey, you still
feel violated," Parker told reporters.

Carolan apparently confessed to the theft
after being interviewed by the Bexar County
Sheriff's Department following his arrest on
an unrelated burglary warrant. The sheriff's
department returned the jersey to Parker
on Thursday after Carolan told them who
purchased it.

He is in the Bexar County Jail on a $20,000
bond for the unrelated burglary charge. A
warrant has been issued for Carolan for the
robbery at Parker's house.
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NBA
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NBA